Museful Muses and their Museings

My friends and family think I'm odd when it comes to one thing in particular; my fandom. I often recieve a good amount of flack for being obsessive. That is to say; when I get into something I tend to want to learn everything about that one thing. It becomes very time consuming, which is probably not a good thing when you should be spending at least some of your time learning about what you are going to be tested on in school.

My curiosity for the lives and work of others is a biproduct of me trying to figure myself out. It isn't just escapism. It's kind of the opposite... it's my way of unfiguring life. My current fascination, say, with Mr. Spock from Gene Roddenberry's Star Trek isn't superficial; I see his Vulcan predicament, however fictional it may be, and I sympathise. Now I sound completely daft, I know. (We can talk about the essence of Vulcan and logic v.s. emotion another day)

Maybe I should be less dependent on the reaffirmation that other people's philosophies give me. But, like another pointy eared hero of mine, Joe Strummer, I believe in humanism and true freedom and I am fascinated that we all happen to be alive all at the same time, at once. I am contenet with not living in utopia but I admire the people who try to unfigure the human condition. I aspire to add to that puzzle. I don't know if the destination is called God or not but whatever it's called it is that thing that is bigger than all of us. It's that thing that will tell us all to stop being afraid; Afraid of dying, afraid of not making enough money, afraid of not being attractive enough, afraid of love, afraid of walking around with the front of your face held perpindicular, and not parrallel, with the floor.

I digress:
I hope that I become a better formulator of my own thoughts. But until then I will mispell and ramble in the early hours of the morning after being up all night in hopes that no one really pays very much attention to what I'm saying. I don't want to talk about it when I see you next so don't ask. I'll stop here and be afraid... afraid that I am either not being understood at all or afraid that I am an idiot for wasting time writing about something that is such a universal problem that no one even bothers to write about it.